Find out what 10 mistakes parents make a child at risk of becoming an outcast
All parents, raising their children, of course, strive to give them all the best and do not want anything bad. But sometimes it turns out that not quite correct parenting not only does not bring the expected result, but also causes great harm to the child.
In this article, I suggest you familiarize yourself with the 10 mistakes of parents who are able to make a child an outcast.
Why can a child become an outcast in a team?
The collective is a rather complicated and unpredictable concept, and the children’s collective is so and especially. It has its own unwritten laws and rules, and those who do not adhere to them and stand out against the general background, often face the fate of an outcast.
What provokes such a relationship to the child in the team? Let’s try to figure it out.
In general, there are three main reasons for which your child risks becoming a pariah, namely:
- Features of appearance. It plays a huge role so that the baby could harmoniously fit into the team in its growth, as well as in the characteristics of clothing and hair. This is especially important in the initial stages. Indeed, later, when authority has already been won, various experiments with their appearance are allowed, but not originally.
Adults should remember that the children’s society always accepts new members «according to their clothes.» Take care of the condition of shoes and accessories that your child uses, so as not to provoke children’s ridicule.
For example, children can tease even an intelligent high school student if they notice that he is wearing worn shoes.
- Demeanor. At this point, it is extremely important to observe the “golden mean” — that is, such a state when the baby is not too “showing off”, but also does not “graze the back”. Children, like no other, are well aware of human weaknesses and often strike precisely on them. You, as a parent, need to teach your child to defend their own position and to be self-sufficient.
- Self-esteem. Its manifestations are the manner of behavior and the ability to present themselves to the outside world. Psychological experts say that there is no such thing as “exaggerated self-esteem” (which children do not like in their peers) just as much as “understated”. In fact, there is compensation for low self-esteem, which is simply distinguished by different manifestations. But the goal in any case remains the same — by any means drawing attention to one’s own person.
If a child goes to extremes — fawns on his classmates or, on the contrary, demonstrates an arrogant demeanor in dealing with them — all this will inevitably provoke an outrage.
It is the responsibility of parents to give their child enough attention and love, to communicate with him and explain the peculiarities of human relationships. The kid must realize that he is a Personality with a capital letter and must develop in himself a sufficient psychological stability.
Unfortunately, parents do not always bring up their children in such a way that they really feel like a person and are able to defend their interests among their peers. What are the common 10 mistakes they make that interfere with it, not only in childhood, but can impose an imprint on all subsequent life?
Let’s find out now.
The main mistakes due to which the child can not become a full-fledged person
As a result of the following ten strategies of parental behavior, the character and adequate self-esteem of their children always deteriorate, and very sad consequences may develop in the future.
The first mistake is to give a reward when a child behaves badly.
Surely, it happened to you that your baby demanded something that it was absolutely impossible to give him right now. For example, I wanted to eat a portion of ice cream then how did you just feed him a piece of chocolate cake? You understood perfectly well that you should not indulge in the whims of your child, but you were afraid that he would cause a scandal right in the cafe.
Therefore, they stepped over themselves and were in the wake of the little despot, because they did not want to get into the spotlight. And they made a mistake at the same time, because with such actions they only developed selfishness in the child.
A kid in the future may use a similar technique, wanting to get what he needs, but this is unlikely to be respected by his peers or educators.
Error two — overprotect
Of course, you, as good parents, should provide your child with sufficient care. But remember that there is a very thin line between the concepts of “care” and “hyper-tape”.
The latter can do much more harm than good, because it essentially protects the baby from pseudo-danger, ties it to the parent, causes suppression of the individuality, subordinates the entire life of the child to parental desires.
What could this mean? Under the influence of such upbringing, the child experiences difficulties with becoming an independent person, does not learn from his own mistakes and self-solving problems.
Error three — too much trapping
No wonder that everything is fine, but in moderation, of course, you need to praise and encourage your child, but the main thing is to do it moderately. If you accustom your child to constant excessive praise, then in the future the child will strive all the time to get approval for all his actions and actions from the people around him.
And as the best reward of his work, he will not perceive his own personal pleasure from what has been done, but praise from others.
The fourth mistake — to strive to become a friend, not a parent
No one likes strict tyrants, but everyone knows that kids are impressed by happy and funny parents who themselves are not too different from big children. Yes, such a role looks quite tempting, but by choosing it, you may encounter big problems in the future.
Why? A child should feel that you are a responsible, adult person, from whom he can learn the right behavior in society and, if necessary, he expects to receive adequate advice from you.
Therefore, do not confuse the role and do not begin to build from yourselves the «bosom friend» of your baby.
Fifth mistake — to seek excuses, not to punish
If your child is still small, then his hazards can be explained by age, inadequate social skills, crisis, poor health, and so on. But if your child is already at a fully conscious age, then it is completely wrong to justify his inappropriate behavior.
Thus, you are mistaken again and this is why: when you try to rehabilitate your child in the eyes of others, then in fact you are doing him a disservice. We need to look for the causes of such behavior and its subsequent elimination.
Error Six — close your eyes on bad behavior
This error is very, very expensive. Perhaps you think that the baby will cease to behave badly over the years? What bad behavior dissolves in the air by itself?
Probably, it is not necessary to explain that the answer to this question will be unequivocally negative.
As soon as you see that the child is behaving in an inappropriate way — immediately stop such a behavior and make sure that it does not repeat afterwards. Indeed, otherwise the child will not develop emotional maturity, and the correct problem-solving skills will not be developed.
And, of course, hysterical, not quite adequate child is unlikely to be held in high esteem in the children’s team.
Error Seven — the presence of a tyrant and victim in the family
All babies grow up in a different family environment. When a child grows up in a full family since childhood, in which both parents succeeded in becoming as individuals and if they are in harmony with each other, he should not have any psychological difficulties. However, unfortunately, not always the real picture also looks rosy.
There are many families in which one of the parents is a true tyrant, firmly convinced of the only correctness of his own opinion, who does not count with anyone around him. In this scenario, the second parent “automatically” gets the role of a victim, because otherwise the family will not survive for a long time.
In alliances of tyrants, victims, as a rule, most of all goes to the child, who has to take the side of one of the parents. So that in such a family environment the child does not begin to copy the behavior of one of the parents, it must be a very strong moral personality, but this is rarely the case in childhood.
If the child chooses the role of a tyrant for himself, then his behavior among his peers will be aggressive: he will begin to show greed, pick up the most beautiful toys in kindergarten, fight, trying to suppress his peers. Of course, that other kids will not want to communicate with such a child.
The same kids, who decided to become victims, also do not expect special respect and friendship from their peers. Such kids, on the contrary, are constantly offended, they seek to take away a toy from them, to blame any guilt on them in controversial and conflict situations.
But the most negative thing is that those who are accustomed to behave also in the family, children do not seek to change their position.
Dealing with such a problem is quite difficult. It is undeniable that a child who lives in a family of a tyrant and a victim needs the help of a psychologist who could help him with the choice of his life role.
Parents also would not hurt to visit a family psychologist, although the correction of tyrants is almost unreal.
Error Eight — parents allow themselves to criticize their child with strangers
For parents (especially young ones) it is characteristic that you fall into two extremes: either praise your child too much in public or, on the contrary, criticize your child with others.
In the first situation, grown-up children have an unreasonably high self-esteem, get used to boasting and are sacredly convinced that they are the best. Under the influence of even insignificant criticism, they are disappointed and angry.
In children’s groups, they constantly seek to convince others of their real viability and often suffer from ridicule when they fail.
But those kids whose parents are used to constantly criticizing them in public have in fact even worse. They are so accustomed to endure constant criticism and ridicule, plus they do not find support in the person of their parents, and therefore they themselves begin to believe that they are losers who are not capable of anything.
Therefore, in conflict situations, these children do not seek to protect themselves, but accept the criticism and mockery, thereby turning themselves into an eternal victim.
And, as a rule, scored kids are even afraid to admit to mom and dad that they suffer from insults to others. There is no need to explain that this behavior of parents is extremely wrong.
Not only is the psyche of the baby injured, so parents demonstrate to others that it is possible to behave this way with their children.
The only solution to this problem is to urgently stop criticism in case of strangers. And if you want to chide your baby alone with yourself — then do it as delicately as possible without insulting him.
The task of the child is to learn how to inform other people that his criticism is absolutely inappropriate and not normal. To do this, you need to give the kid a recommendation — every time someone tries to hurt him, you need to calmly utter the phrase: “You can’t talk to me like that!”.
It will have a very effective impact on the offenders, of course, only on the condition that it was pronounced calmly, with confidence, but without crying and hysterics.
Error Nine — do not pay enough attention to the appearance of your child
One may argue with this statement as much as necessary, but the fact remains that in children’s groups, just like in adult life, appearance is very important. Plus, it should be noted that children’s society is more cruel than an adult and often children who simply differ from others in appearance are outcasts.
Too high, either too low, thin, or full, wearing glasses, braces, wearing non-fashionable clothes — the reasons why some children “get” a huge amount in the team. Parents should identify these causes and try to minimize them.
Let your child always come to school in clean, neat and beautiful clothes, in any case, do not seek to dress him in what is left to lie with your grandmother’s wardrobe. Carefully monitor the cleanliness and integrity of clothes with shoes.
If the baby suffers from poor vision, strabismus, abnormal bite, stoop and other similar problems — be sure to show it to a specialist and work on solving this problem.
It may happen that the child is in a group of rogue because of such a reason, the correction of which is impossible — too big (low) height, freckles, a large birthmark, and so on. You need to teach him how to get out of situations of bullying in this case.
For example, external flaws may well be compensated by the personal self-realization of the baby. Look for the best aspects of your child — perhaps he draws beautifully, or perhaps he sings wonderful, has the ability to dance or has mastered some kind of musical instrument?
Then try to make the baby stand out among the children at the indicated sign.
Of course, choosing a «crown chip» must necessarily take into account the opinion of the child on this subject, as well as really appreciate his abilities and talents. Do not try to impose this occupation on him with force — it is important that he himself is attached to it.
It is also useful to analyze how this or any other hobby is popular today. And if not so long ago, parents tried to record their offspring in guitarist circles, now this lesson is no longer relevant and is unlikely to be of interest to peers.
So, your task is to find out what the modern youth is now “breathing” and, on the basis of this, choose a hobby for your baby.
You can not even doubt that when your son or daughter learns to dance better than anyone, when there is more than one medal won at competitions, their peers will “close their eyes” for glasses, too red hair or other external imperfections. In addition, the baby will find new friends by interests and, accordingly, will be able to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, will become more confident.
Plus, those children who are passionate about their favorite hobbies tend to achieve greater life success, and instead of outcasts in the shortest possible time become universal pets!
Error tenth — the child did not receive an example of good communication in the family
It happens that the kid gets the role of an outcast and a loner solely for the reason that he does not know how to communicate with other people correctly. The most important mission of parents is to give the child the basics of correct communication and to teach how to harmoniously interact with other people.
As you know, young children copy the manner of behavior of their parents, and therefore often, until they enter adolescence, they behave by analogy with the family. It is important for you to show your child positive examples of correct communication: therefore, collect guests at home, tell the child what etiquette is to receive guests and take it with you sometimes when you go to a friendly gathering.
It is especially good if your friends have a child of the same age as your child, then from time to time you can go for joint walks. At the same time, your task is to observe how your child comes into contact with children and adults.
Remember that correcting the inability to communicate is much easier in the early stages than in adulthood.
Is your baby constantly greedy and unwilling to give his toys to other children? Then we recommend that you do this:
- Going for a walk, take a large number of toys with you, in particular those that the baby almost never uses. Offer the child himself to choose which of the toys he is ready to “donate” to play to other children, and which not;
- Another good idea is to suggest that the baby temporarily exchange his toys with the children;
- With your example, show that sharing is good: give your baby your personal belongings, but stipulate conditions (it is forbidden to break, throw, lose). Thanks to this, the child will learn to properly share things with other children;
- But you do not need to force the child to give up their favorite toys — then it is better to independently convey to the other child that your daughter or son is not ready to share his favorite toy with anyone;
- It is recommended to bring the child to the places where there are common toys and teach him to share them with other kids.
You, as a parent, it is important to teach your child how to protect themselves, but without showing excessive aggression. Let him master the art of diplomatic solution of problem situations.
Also by all means show examples of establishing dating with new people.
What more fruitful work you will spend with the baby — the lower the chances that he will not understand how to communicate properly, hitting a new team.
At the end of the topic
- The children’s team is a very complex and unpredictable structure, which operates according to its principles. There are always children activists, pets and instigators, and there are outcasts.
- Outcasts in children’s groups, as a rule, become those who stand out against the general background (appearance, behavior, and so on).
- To protect your child from the fate of an outcast, it is important to educate him as an independent person with his life position, who can stand up for himself and does not adapt to others.
- The atmosphere in the family has a strong effect on how the child subsequently behaves in the team, so it is important for parents to put maximum effort on their part so that it is harmonious.
At the end of this fascinating material, I advise you to watch an equally fascinating video:
Guess today with the help of the tarot spread "Day map"!
For proper divination: focus on the subconscious and do not think about anything at least 1-2 minutes.