Learn how to get rid of resentment and start living happily.
Insults. How often we encounter them in our daily life and how much moral suffering, sometimes they cause us … Insults rob us of a lot of vital energy, which we could use in a much more reasonable way.
How to get rid of the offense and become less sensitive in life — that is the question that most certainly worries many of you. If you are interested in getting an answer to it, as well as finding out the mechanism of offense, read this article.
What is insult?
Insult is a a kind of racketeering feeling with which the offended “extorts” from his abuser manifestations of attention, respect, care, repentance and other emotions in relation to his own person. This is a peculiar method of punishing the offender with the goal of changing his attitude, gaining repentance and acknowledging his wrongfulness.
Etymologically, the word “insult” has a common root with the word “deprive”. Therefore, insults are directly related to the concept of justice.
After all, when we get offended, we are piously convinced of an unjust attitude towards us. In this case, the feeling of resentment can be of a different scale: resentment varies from light, minute to those that drag on for a lifetime.
According to Yevgeny Grishkovets:
«As soon as you learn to be offended, at the same second, not at the next, but at the same second, you will learn to offend.»
Resentment is a real emotional funnel, a man who sucks in a lot. We catch ourselves constantly scrolling in our head an annoying situation.
Also, the insult accumulates on the heart and often at the end manifests itself in the form of anger, aggression or even hatred. At the same time, since childhood we are taught that it is necessary to forgive and we forgive, often the truth using pseudo-forgiveness instead of real forgiveness.
What is pseudo-forgiveness? How many offenses in life have you forgiven your offenders? And how many of them were able to fully release?
If it is explained differently, then there is a huge difference between the concepts of “forgiveness” and “absolution”. And, as practice shows, most often people are engaged in precisely pseudo-forgiveness.
The hands of this concept grow out of politeness. Many people are not ready to forgive truly and do not even admit this to themselves, so they create the appearance of forgiveness, although in reality they continue to be eaten by this negative feeling.
But the real absolution of insult is very often unprofitable to our Ego.
How resentment can ruin your life
Resentment acts as a destructive reaction that acts destructively most of all on the most offended. After all, it is an insult that becomes a provocateur of anger, anger and aggression — that is, extremely negative emotions.
They can not only completely deprive a person of harmony with oneself and the surrounding reality, but also have a very bad effect on health — contribute to the destruction of the nervous, cardiovascular systems, as well as the digestive tract. It was found that the development of gastric ulcers, for example, is a direct result of a person experiencing negative emotions, which increase the acidity of the gastric juice, as a result of which the mucous membrane of the stomach erodes.
Touchy people are deeply unhappy people. They take on the role of victims, which is very dangerous: it has long been proven that people who feel and behave like victims, at a subconscious level, begin to attract offenders, and sometimes even criminals!
How do offenses arise?
Now let’s try to deal with the mechanism of development of offenses.
In everyday life, it often happens that a certain situation or the attitude of another person towards us seems unfair and undeserved. In reality, an insult is nothing more than a deeply suppressed anger within itself.
People who are offended by others dream of changing attitudes towards them, wanting to receive more attention, love, respect, to feel valuable and meaningful in the lives of other people.
Resentment consists of surviving aggression against one’s offender and of feeling sorry for one’s own person. And it provokes all this, as it seems to us, terribly unjust, inhuman, not friendly attitude towards us.
The mechanism of offense is rather simple: other people do not behave in relation to us in the way we would like. Or do not those acts that we expect from them. Literally, the offense is the decision of the individual: «I decide to be offended.»
But in fact, the truth is that no one can hurt you, you can only be offended by someone.
People experiencing deep in the heart of resentment, accept the situation and stop making any efforts to change it. Inside themselves, they continue to cherish their grievances, to feel sorry for themselves and, accordingly, continue to remain a victim.
Over time, long-term resentment becomes bitterness. Then all areas of a person’s life are “imbued” with a negative attitude, he begins to perceive everything very painfully.
At the same time, he loses the ability to react adequately to the surrounding world and specific life circumstances, to other people. For example, when he sees the person who offended him, he goes to the other side of the street. Either it tries, at a convenient opportunity, to put sticks in its wheels to its abuser.
Grievances penetrate so much into man himself, as cancer cells strike his thoughts and become literally an integral part of his personality.
People who are constantly experiencing resentment become bitter and because of this their whole life suffers greatly.
All people have different way to be offended. So some are prone to open demonstrations of resentment to the whole world.
And another category — trying to hide its insult and doing everything possible so that no one ever suspects that all human actions are dictated by a reliably concealed insult.
Each offense is always represented by three components: anger, pride and irresponsibility.
Further in the material, I suggest you to make out what variations of offenses exist.
Varieties of offenses
All grievances are divided into several main subgroups, depending on whether they are directed at the person himself or at something from the outside world. What are the characteristics they possess?
Features offenses aimed at the circumstances
In this case, we can talk about the very notorious “black band”, when it begins to seem to the person that everything around has turned against him. For example, when your colleague at work gets promoted, and you — no.
You encounter problems at work, as well as difficulties in your personal life. You try to set goals for yourself, invest energy in their achievement, but at the end you achieve zero results.
Once, having gone through another fiasco, you simply do not stand up and find yourself completely shrouded in a whole range of negative feelings. You, of course, are aware that no other people are guilty in this situation. And then all the negative emotions are completely directed to circumstances that develop in just such an unfavorable way.
This may manifest itself in the form of an insult to God, to the Higher Forces, to the “evil fate” and so on.
Characteristics of resentment directed at other people
All people are selfish by nature. Sometimes we don’t remember that we are all different and we all have different visions of the surrounding reality.
In this category, offenses are not met by expectations that are aimed at certain situations or actions of others. Speaking more clearly, such an insult is a way of manipulating other people.
Also, often people are offended in order to feel their superiority relative to another person, provoke him to a sense of guilt. For example, if you have discussed with your husband in advance that today he is preparing dinner.
But you think that he may linger at work or just forget about the agreement.
Setting yourself up as follows, you will definitely not be disappointed if you see that there is no ready-made food in the kitchen. And if you also see a delicious dinner on the stove, then you will feel a surge of happiness.
Characteristics of offenses aimed at parents
Insults concerning parents are the most dangerous. Indeed, in this case, you are at the same time breaking both the law of love and the law of reverence.
It’s not for nothing that the wise book of the Bible teaches that we are all told to honor our father and mother and then we can live happily ever after on earth.
And if you show disrespect towards people who gave birth to and raised you, then you begin to block the flow of well-being in your life and make it much shorter and worse. Often, people complain about what they think is unfair treatment of them by their parents (especially in childhood), or that they were born in a normal family, and did not become the offspring of a millionaire.
We must always remember that all people born in this world, from the very beginning, already have everything necessary for happiness and success. And we are all born in that place, at that time, and in that family, where we should have been.
The fact of your birth cannot be a mistake, and besides, the indicator of a person’s success in no way depends on the material condition of his parents.
Description of the offense aimed at himself
“How could this happen to me? I provided for everything! I am a loser, I tried to do everything right, but again nothing came of it ”- approximately with such thoughts a great number of people are regularly overcome.
Many of them accumulate resentment over themselves for many years, and some — all their lives.
Grievances against oneself are the most destructive feelings of all grievances. Often we concentrate on our inner conflict, self-pity and self-flagellation.
If you suffer from such offenses, then it is very important to forgive yourself. Then you can eliminate guilt, dissatisfaction with yourself, self-criticism and pity.
And forgiveness is manifested in that you learn to accept yourself and love yourself just as you are, without trying to adapt to someone or changing your personality.
Who is most prone to insults
Some people are more susceptible than others to touchiness. These are individuals who do not want to become responsible at the subconscious level (and sometimes consciously) shifting all responsibility to someone else.
This is due to the fact that the expectations of such individuals are mainly directed not towards themselves, but towards other people.
That is, if it is more accessible to explain — such people want to get what they want, but not by their own efforts, but with the help of other people. In this scenario, the destruction of any balance of relations. It is always necessary to be able to catch the distinction between well-defined goals and expectations-dreams.
Dreams actually act as our desires, the achievement of which we do not undertake at the subconscious level.
After all, it is much more convenient to just sit and wait, that once the situation will change in the most comfortable way for you, and the people around you will begin to behave as we want. We often forget about the fact that other people are just as independent individuals as we are.
And we can exclusively seek harmony in communication or relations with these people, but in no case can we force them to do something that does not fit in with our own interests.
Do I need to deal with the feeling of resentment?
Perhaps it will sound too loud, but it is really true that a feeling of resentment can deprive a person of a happy life. It is deep-seated within us insults provoke various diseases, suffering and even death.
But you always have a choice: to accumulate grievances within yourself or from this point on learn to take control of this negative feeling, eating away and destroying everything in your path. The most important step in the process of getting rid of insults is to be able to take responsibility for your life and for everything that happens in it.
As soon as you learn this art, you can control your emotions, then you will immediately gain power over this feeling. And then you will realize that in fact no one around can offend you.
And in order to learn this, I recommend that you familiarize yourself with tips that will help once and for all eliminate the insult from your life.
Effective recommendations for the elimination of grievances
Feel offended by someone? Then do not keep negative emotions within you.
Of course, this does not mean that you need to instantly go to your abuser and throw all the negative on him. You can make it much easier and more efficient.
You need to visualize the person who has hurt you. If you have his photo — take it, and if not, then you can be content with any object — as an option, a pillow.
Take this item and start telling him about your offense, what exactly you were hurt, and what you hoped for. With this practice, you can clarify a lot of things for yourself.
Learn to express your feelings and desires before you are hurt. And thanks to this — you will feel a significant moral relief.
All the same, someone was able to offend you with a word or deed? Then take any soft object, imagine that this is your abuser and show him all your anger and indignation with the help of tapping.
If in the process of this action you want to cry — do not hold back the flow of surging emotions.
Could not speak out? Then take a piece of paper and write a letter to your abuser.
In him pour out the soul, as you wish, tell all your thoughts about what happened. And then burn the letter.
You need to learn the constructive expression of your emotions. What does this mean?
Try to establish a dialogue with your abuser, but not from the position of the accuser, but as a person who describes his spiritual experiences.
For example, instead of the phrase: «You are insulting me!» Say the expression: «I was offended and offended by your words (behavior).» After all, when we blame someone for something — he, as a rule, shows resistance at the subconscious level.
And expressing your feelings, you can reduce or even get rid of tensions between people.
Try to understand why a person did this to you. What if his behavior was completely unconscious?
Offended by someone? Then express your sincere gratitude to the offender for this. After all, he showed you your weak side.
Begin to understand yourself, for what reason what happened so much hurt you.
Advises you to forgive yourself for having hurt. Yes, it may seem that it is easy and simple, but in reality it is very important.
Resentment hurt you so much that you burst into tears? There is a very effective method of dealing with it “right here and now.”
To do this, take a deep breath, visualize the person who has offended you and speak out loudly with royal intonation: “I forgive you!”.
After the third utterance, you must completely get rid of the offense, a smile will shine on your face, and your soul will flourish.
There are some more practical advice that will help you to be less offended by other people:
- Finish with building unrealistic expectations about yourself or the people around you;
- Do not seek to assess the behavior of another person, even if you are sure that you are completely right;
- Try not to emphasize your expectations, do not try to associate your happiness, positive emotions, any life pleasures with other people (person). You need to become a source of happiness for yourself.
- Resentment is an extremely negative feeling that erodes a person from the inside, taking away a lot of vital energy from him. Often provokes the development of various diseases.
- With the help of grievances, people try to “extort” attention, love, respect, repentance and other emotions to their own person from their offenders.
- In their types of resentment may relate to life circumstances, other people, parents and himself.
- It is very important to learn to get rid of insults, for this there are many different techniques. Thanks to this you greatly improve your life.
The most important thing is that you need to understand that when you are offended by someone, you harm only yourself. And therefore try to think only about the good, freeing your soul from insults.
And, of course, never forget that no one can ever offend you, since only you personally make a decision whether you are offended or not.
Finally, I recommend you to watch an exciting thematic video material:
Guess today with the help of the tarot spread "Day map"!
For proper divination: focus on the subconscious and do not think about anything at least 1-2 minutes.