Is it possible to forgive treason and how to do it correctly
Is it possible to forgive treason? I had to think about it when a friend came to visit with the news that caught her husband with another woman.
What to do in such situations? Is it worth trying to save a marriage, or after betrayal it’s impossible to trust a partner and build happy, harmonious relationships?
Let’s try to figure it out.
Why do men change?
This article will be useful not only for those who have already faced treason. But also to those who would like to save themselves from such an event.
Let’s understand what is the cause of male adultery.
The reasons may be as follows:
- Deep deformation of the personality since childhood. Convictions and attitudes soaked with mother’s milk. For such a man, betrayal is in the order of things, and he is unlikely to want to change anything. Only a psychotherapist can help in this case.
- Sex addiction, depravity. A man does not have enough sex in marriage, or his wife is not ready to fulfill his very specific desires, which are far from the norm — then he will seek satisfaction on the side. Therefore, sexual compatibility in marriage is so important.
- The influence of the environment. For example, all his married friends are used to looking for entertainment on the side, and they laugh that, he said, henpecked, just going to be faithful. Not everyone is able to withstand such pressure. The solution is to change the environment or learn to defend your opinion and boundaries.
- Escape from family problems. If everything is bad in marriage, the wife mostly “saws” and “makes the brain”, never thanks, does not praise, does not believe in her husband, sooner or later another may appear, who will look at him with admiring eyes.
- Weakness of will and inability to refuse. This includes casual relationships, often after intoxication, when a man cannot control himself.
- Protection from the imposed, unloved woman. For example, if a man did not really want to marry, but he had to, he can change. Everyone wants love at will, not forced.
Responsibility for treason is always on the one who changed. After all, he had a choice — to solve family problems or be forgotten on the side.
Therefore, no one relieves the guilt of a man, but it is worth understanding that the influence of a woman often plays a big role.
How can a woman provoke a betrayal of her husband?
There are certain patterns of behavior of a woman, which, sooner or later, can lead to treason against her man.
Here they are:
- She adjusted to a distorted value system, wanting to please. For example, at the beginning of a relationship a man always repeated that men are generally polygamous and change everything. She agreed.
- Her man does not understand what the consequences will be for infidelity. For example, after another betrayal, a wife only cries and scandals, but nothing significant happens. He understands — the green light is on, you can change, and then just a little patience.
The wife herself is not true. She has a bad reputation, she behaves unworthily.
- She does not meet the needs of men in marriage. If she always has a “headache”, she nags her husband, does not thank him and does not show love, humiliates manhood, then sooner or later there may be a young lady who will treat him differently.
Important! I do not in any way justify treason.
A man always has a choice — try to mend relations, part and then search for a new woman, or arrange adventures on the side and hide it. But you must understand that the responsibility for everything that happens in your life and your relationship lies with both.
Is it possible to prevent adultery?
Yes, if you initially chose a worthy life partner for yourself. If a man initially has an installation that changes everything, do not try to change it, just choose another person for a serious relationship.
And the rest — learn to talk and negotiate, defend your personal boundaries and be a loving wife. Nobody is insured against adultery, but you don’t need to preset yourself for the bad.
How to forgive treason
After the fact of adultery has become known to you, you have two ways — either to break off relations with a traitor, or to forgive and try to build normal relations further.
If you chose the first path, then try to completely protect yourself from communicating with him. Block in social networks, phone and not face it in common companies.
Over time, the pain will subside, and you will be able to adequately respond to random encounters with him, but at first it is better to save yourself from his presence at all. Ask friends and relatives not to mention the fact of adultery.
If your choice is to forgive and try to live further, then consider the important points:
- A man should not be forgiven in words. If you let go of treason with his hands too easily, it will definitely happen again. Your forgiveness must be earned — let him try, do something for you, show by his actions that he really repents and no longer intends to make mistakes.
- If you have forgiven, then never again remind of treason. Leave the past in the past. No need to remind your partner that once he stumbled, blackmail and roll up tantrums. With this behavior, you destroy the relationship completely, and restore them will not work.
- To make the spiritual wound heal faster, go through a course of treatment with a psychologist or psychotherapist, read Colin Tipping’s book “Radical Forgiveness” and try to let go of offenses once and for all. Remember that your negative emotions harm you most of all, destroying your health and depressing your emotional state.
And it is especially important: if the betrayal is repeated, there can be no talk of any forgiveness. You can never restore peace and confidence in your family.
Such a person is better to forget and let go of his life, thanking him for making room for a new, more worthy man.
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