Funny horoscopes signs about all the signs of the zodiac
Funny horoscope funny highlights the most funny character traits of different constellations. The main thing — do not take it too seriously, because the purpose of its creation — to cheer up the readers.
And we all have our shortcomings, it is important to know about them and try to fight them, not ignore them.
Funny horoscope for the signs of the zodiac
I’m used to looking at people around from top to bottom with a very smug facial expression. Strongly not soared about what to say — says what spins on his tongue.
Be careful not to show Aries his flaws — he will deal with you with bloodthirsty cruelty, since he does not accept criticism. Such a person does not need upbringing — from infancy he already represents a completely independent and mentally formed personality.
Aries can become a winner in its hot temper, audacity, rudeness. And about his stubbornness better to remain silent. Aries-chief panicky scares his subordinates, especially if they did not cope with the instructions given to them.
They understand that everything has come to an end — Aries will tear them to shreds.
Even more selfish than Scorpio. Horoscope in contact says that Aries is truly the most harmful constellation in the whole Zodiac!
Taurus is almost always in good humor. And it is not surprising — they are frankly too lazy to be angry with someone, for that matter, and to do much more.
Their laziness and slowness greatly interfere with their lives, but Taurus is too lazy to fight them. They may be lying on the couch all day and will not be very upset by this.
Taurus often feels dissatisfaction: with its appearance, asymmetrically laid out bread on a plate, with the fact that it turned out to be only on the second line in the Zodiac, because it spoils its image!
A Taurus man often becomes a “mama’s son”, who adores consulting with his maman on any vital issue. The hardcore materialist does not believe in anything in the world except what he can feel and feel.
And it does not give in to any persuasion — since Taurus did not see something, it means that this cannot be by default, how could it be otherwise!
Gemini cause universal sympathy. Which is very typical for schizophrenics suffering from a split personality.
Often a Gemini thinks for a long time how to act, and then he becomes psyched and falls into complete apathy, without making a decision.
She loves first to diligently build her life, and then with great pleasure to destroy everything to hell. This, apparently, gives Gemini a sense of moral satisfaction.
The twin always speaks loudly so that he can be heard well. It does not matter that the discussion is conducted with himself.
After all, it is useful to talk with an interesting person.
Only after learning some news, always hurry to share it with others, even if it was a secret, which was asked not to talk about. Nothing to keep everything in yourself is bad for your health.
And still jokes about the signs of the zodiac, called Gemini leaders in obsession with psychosis, neurosis and other nervous disorders.
Cancer is genuinely passionate about everything except for his own life. About the fact that he won the lottery, friends will tell him.
And also Cancer adheres to a special style in clothes — pofigisticheskogo, ready to walk even in a bag with two holes cut through, if only it was convenient. He considers it killer to spend valuable time on ironing — why, if the clothes still work out after a couple of hours socks?
One pair of underwear will be worn for years, and rightly so, why spend money on some items, where it is better to collect a bag of money under the pillow “for old age”.
Cancer is crazy about solitude, can become a real home reclusive. Aspires to sports achievements, however, the fuse, alas, ends within 15 minutes spent on the treadmill. “Nothing,” thinks Cancer, I will go to the gym from next Monday ”(although it doesn’t specify what year).
A lion is very upset if the surrounding serfs do not give enough attention to his royal persona. It may tactlessly interrupt someone else’s conversation: it is vital for Leo to express his opinion, otherwise the Earth will instantly roll down from its orbit and fly away to Tar-Tara!
Leo is also worried about the moment that a mass parade is not being organized on his birthday, he sincerely worries that no one will know about such a great event. So do not be surprised that in the apartment of Leo on the wall will hang a poster with his own holy face.
I got used to growling loudly (that is, to speak), to act self-confidently, without worrying about the opinions of other people. He tries to become a mass leader, to receive such important fame and honor for him, because otherwise he will feel like a real lion loser.
Virgo lays out things in the closet by color, and every square millimeter of her apartment cleans at least twice a day. Using a toothbrush.
Do not be surprised if you find the Virgin on the floor, holding a magnifying glass in her hands: she simply counts the microbes on the surface. This is needed for statistics.
Virgo was born with obsessive-compulsive disorder. If she happens to be a witness in a murder case, she will first of all tell the investigator about the terribly dirty hands of the criminal, and then reveal the whole point of the matter.
Unusual horoscopes say that in the world in which the Virgin lives, life is divided not into black and white stripes, but into clean and dirty ones.
If Libra needs to make a decision, they will organize a commission with the participation of doctors, lawyers, and police officers. They can also connect relatives, a neighbor, a manicurist — anyone, if only this very moment does not come as long as possible.
In the morning, being in a state of emotional ascension by the evening, they are carefully considering a suicide plan. No wonder — Libra’s mood is very changeable.
Libra is just crazy about all the trash that is being pulled into his dwelling. Hollywood, for example, is replete with representatives of this sign.
Therefore, from time to time, studs, bow ties and parachute pants become fashionable.
Even if the Libra-man got drunk in the trash, he would still be aware of whether the bartender gave him a latte or coffee with milk. And terribly depressed, because for such a subtle nature, such a blunder is essential.
The bulk of hackers — Scorpios in the sign of the zodiac. They constantly fear being abducted by aliens or government or creatures from parallel realities. Therefore, develop their own methods of protection.
And also — plans how to seize world power.
From nature, Scorpio has a powerful libido, which is constantly used for its intended purpose. For what nature is so scoffed at Scorpios?
This question remains open.
Sagittarius is a born adventurer who is ready to crush spiders with his bare hands. And really, why look for easy solutions to problems?
Sincerely perplexed when others prefer his opinion to their own. Sagittarius finds this a terrible injustice, and will still try to impose his point of view on all around.
Sagittarius considers other people slightly inhibited, wondering why they do not perform the action in a matter of a split second, like himself. Do not miss the opportunity to express their dissatisfaction with the fact that «everything is being done too slowly.»
And yet — she loves to talk a lot and loudly, no matter the case or not. The main thing — to pour out the soul
Capricorn hardworking, diligent and reliable. But it is terribly boring.
He entertains himself by rereading a math textbook. Descartes was a great mathematician and a boring philosopher, most likely that he was a Capricorn according to the sign of the Zodiac.
Most politicians are Capricorns. Therefore, one should not be surprised at the state of our state.
Capricorn is a kind of mixture of Leo and the Virgin. He considers himself to be charismatic and reasonable, although in fact with him is just as difficult as with Leo and as boring as with Virgo.
Funny horoscope signs of the zodiac say that if a nuclear war suddenly comes, then cockroaches and Capricorns will survive.
Aquarius often falls into a nostalgic state about his childhood. And also — she loves to travel in time: constantly descending from the clouds to the earth and returning back.
Speaking with Aquarius, if you notice that he looks like through you, you can safely go to solve their affairs. He will not even notice the change.
Aquarius considers it his duty to open the true path to all around. And it is not surprising, because only he reliably knows everything and everything.
Therefore, if you want to know what color the sky is on Saturn — ask this question to Aquarius.
But if you try to prove something to Aquarius himself, he will look at you as insane. Correct the crown and go look for more grateful and inspired listeners.
Fish — they just have an innate talent to find themselves in ridiculous situations and become heroes of jokes. Women of the Fish may remember when the new Gucci collection came out, but they forget what address they live at.
Did you see a car rushing at a speed of 50 kilometers per hour on the highway? Know, most likely, it is led by the Fish.
She can dive into the depths of herself and not even notice where she is and what she is doing.
But it is a mistake to think that Fish is a harmless person. Just try to visit her, without warning, and immediately see all her righteous anger.
They dream of making history without doing anything for it. They say that they want to hear «fair criticism», although in reality they are only counting on praise.
The fish will mourn their pet for a long time, but will completely coolly destroy a competitor or an adversary.
It was a horoscope jokes on the zodiac constellations. I hope that he did not hurt your feelings, but helped to better understand your weaknesses, which you need to work on.
At the end, watch a funny video:
Guess today with the help of the tarot spread "Day map"!
For proper divination: focus on the subconscious and do not think about anything at least 1-2 minutes.